How do you define a hero?

I have a friend that would object to being called a hero. In fact, he recently said of himself that he is “no one special, just one of thousands of disabled Vets and sick folks.” He said this when I asked if I could write about him in my blog. He is not my oldest friend or even someone I have ever dated. He is special to me in many ways and not just because he has called me his angel and I want to tell you about him. He has given so much that I wish that more people understood and cared. I am not writing because I want sympathy or pity for him and he would hate that I am sure.

It seems that it was a long time ago that there was a Vietnam conflict, yet there are so many people alive today who do remember. That remember watching the news. Who were drafted and fought. My friend went into service, the way he tells it is humorous and involves a barn and hay of all things… well, there’s more of that, but only he can tell that story. He became a sniper and was good at what he did. He remembers, of course, the people he knew and lost and many things he doesn’t speak of anymore. I am sure he remembers things he hasn’t spoken of and would like to forget but can’t. When it was time for him to come home, he was reviled and spat upon. Personally, I am horrified at the treatment he and so many others received. But facts are there and they can’t be made to go away. Many Vietnam Vets were exposed to chemicals used in that war.

As if serving his country wasn’t enough, he chose a path to give back, something he felt had to be done. I am sure very few people know why he chose to become a firefighter and that is still his to share and I won’t betray his privacy in that. In addition to firefighting he became an EMT and rescue diver and built sniper rifles for SWAT teams. Among the things he told me was one fire that two children died in. They had searched for the children and if I remember correctly, he had even seen them, but the children were scared and ran away and hid. Continued searching couldn’t find them and the children ultimately died in the fire because they feared firefighters in their gear more than they feared fire. Because of this horrible sad thing, a program was started. They would go to the schools and while talking, gear would be put on, until the children could see that the big scary monsters were just people there to help. Firefighters are exposed to over 200 known chemical compounds in a house fire, and many unknown chemical compounds that are waiting to be identified.

When I met my friend, he had already been diagnosed with a very rare and pretty much unknown disease caused by his exposure to chemicals. He had been given a very loose estimate of 7-20 years that he would live as this disease attacked his body. There was no known treatment for it and my friend agreed to be the human guinea pig for Doctors to study. It seems that every year I have been honored to know him that something he treasures is taken from him by this disease. He experiences uncontrollable vomiting, not for a few minutes at a time but for hours and days at a time as this disease continues to eat his body from the inside out. He has had to have several stents placed in his heart and has had many other health issues triggered by the disease while his body is slowing losing the ability to function as it should. Because of this disease he was forced to retire early from Firefighting, this was shortly after 9/11/2001. He had volunteered to go help and was turned down. He was understandably upset and frustrated (to put this nicely.)

After awhile, he found yet another path and became a Chaplain. As if he had not already given enough of himself, he found a new way to give to others. Then even more recently, his father was diagnosed with a stage 4 cancer. So to show his support while his dad deals with Chemo he has shaved his head and eyebrows…. Of course the beard & moustache had to stay, there is only so much a person can sacrifice.

Throughout all of this, we have swapped stories about work, family, fun and fishing. Shared pranks and jokes, recipes, hunting stories, hiking tales, thoughts, woes and joys. We have listened to each other in our darker moments and sometimes provided each other with the courage to keep moving forward. We have teased each other about who the better hunter is & who could have out hiked whom. We have bragged about our accomplishments. We have laughed so hard I thought my ribs would never stop hurting and we have cried. When I was going through some of the darkest days in my life he provided me with light and an outlet and I can only hope that I have done the same for him. There were times when I kept the faith for both of us and times when he has done the same. He has been my best friend even when he lived on the other side of the country and now, when he is half the country away my day is not complete if I don’t see a message flashing from him. Whatever my day held it is always better that he was there.

Throughout all this, I have wished I could take away his pain and make things better for him and he graciously tells me that I do make things better. When I selfishly worry about the time he passes he reminds me that all I have to do is touch my heart and remember. But I know that it will not be just my little corner of the world that will be poorer without him in it because he has helped and touched so many. Even those people who turn away from him now because of the way he looks because of the disease have no clue how much he has improved their lives by just being there. I know. He is a beautiful person I will always remember & he will always be my personal hero.